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Lets find a cure...NOW!!! |
Hello this is my page. Why do I have a page? For no reason AT ALL just bored. Check this page often, I will update it regularly!
E-mail me at: allthetime81@hotmail.com
So, what’s up with Adam? I imagine that a lot of people seeing this page have not talked to me in quite a while. So, here’s the dish. I have came to realize that I am an alcoholic, and I sought help from the Salvation Army (truly an awesome organization, please donate your unwanted items at http://www.satruck.com) in October of 2005 I came to the Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center in San Bernardino, CA and I completed the 6 month program (yah, I actually completed something) I now work for the Salvation Army as a Production Assistant (I drive the truck that picks up donations, my route is Rancho Cucamonga & Alta Loma) and I live at a sober living home called Pathways. So much happened while I was at the center. My drinking came in a large part from my hate of life and of myself. God is Love so, if I cannot Love myself, that puts up a major road block between me and God, hate. I now Love myself. (Thanks to the Salvation Army, Captains Beau and Mandy Perez and Ms. Sondra who told me, “You are the most important thing Adam has, second only to your relationship with God.”) I realized that I hated myself because I was taught that the person that I truly was deep inside was “bad” or “evil” so I kept it in and kept it down until I truly believed that I was this other person, and I hated who I was deep down inside. Now I know that the person I am is good because Yahweh God made me. I Love everyone. All people were created by my Father which makes them all my brothers and sisters. All people were created with a divine purpose, they all have a dignity and a story and they demand respect and Love because of that. I Love all my brothers and sisters in the human family. There are two basic human emotions, Love and fear. I lived a life led by fear for many years, I now live in Love. All I do is Love. That is the goal of my life to grow in Love, Love of Yahweh God and Love of my brothers and sisters. I used to be very political. Now I no longer care about politics because I’ve learned that Peace and Freedom are not things that any government or any man can give. If you have Peace, in your heart, you have Peace; it does not matter if you live in war-torn Lebanon, if you have Peace in your heart then you have Peace. The same is true with freedom, if your mind is free then you’re free; even if you are a Jew living in Nazi Germany, no man can take away that freedom. So that’s me today.
My name is Adam and I am an alcoholic. Adam Alcoholic, I go to so many meetings now, and of course I share my experience, strength and hope at all of them, that “Adam Alcoholic” might as well be my name. I think that identifying as an alcoholic at the start of recovery is a good thing. But I wonder about continuing to identify as an alcoholic. When I came into the rooms of AA I was an alcoholic. I needed alcohol. I hated life as it was and needed to run, to numb myself. I Love life now, life is beautiful, I no longer need alcohol. So am I still an alcoholic? I don’t know. You can’t cure the physical allergy, the disease of the body that is alcoholism, but alcoholism is a two-fold disease, it is a disease of the mind and body. The disease of the mind, my mental obsession with alcohol is cured. Also I’m a new man, the old man is gone. “So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold new things have come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) (I quote the Bible often, I am not your average “bible-beating” born-again or your average Catholic, but I do follow the teachings of Master Yahshua—the Hebrew name of Jesus—and His followers, especially Paul. My spirituality is unique to say the least, maybe the topic of a book some time?) If I am a new man then the alcoholic me has passed away…right?? I don’t know if AA meetings are so great, continuing to identify as an alcoholic and listing to story after story. I love the Big Book of AA and it will always be an important part of my library. Of course, the Big Book is not just for alcoholics, it is good for anyone wishing to learn a spiritual path in life. But meetings seem to keep you down keeping you in the old self. I don’t know.
Ever since everything started with this new story on Mel Gibson, I’ve thought a lot about it. I’ve always had a lot of respect for Mr. Gibson and this news about what he said about Jews kinda shocked me until I heard them say something about him being an alcoholic, and then it hit me, “oh, yah that’s right, that damned disease” how quickly I forget. I have to understand what happened. I don’t know if the average normie can understand but, as an alcoholic, I do. I, too, have said and done things, while under the influence of alcohol that were, “despicable” and that “have brought shame to me and my family.” In the rooms of AA we have a term “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.” That’s what that relapse brought about. Yes, I understand that he is in the public eye and needs to watch himself more closely but he is still human, and as a human, he is my brother, also, we suffer from the same disease. I pray for him and his family, that he finds the help he needs to reconnect with his higher power.
This is a paper I wrote at the ARC about the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
It’s been a while so I thought I’d update. I was going to the store this evening to get pickles and beets. (I don’t know, maybe I’m pregnant, I’ve been craving pickles and beets like crazy lately) I went with my friend Dasel but I had to get back quickly for my door watch at 7 so I left before him. Now I don’t normally like to walk around downtown San Berdoo alone but I figured out how to do it safely. Talk to yourself. It’s simple, if people think your crazy and you could “flip out” at any moment, they tend to leave you alone, even cross the street so they pass by you on the other side of the street. It’s kinda neat having people think I’m crazy, also I don’t have to suppress the natural urge to talk to myself. Maybe I am crazy. I’m my own best friend, why shouldn’t I want to talk to myself I enjoy my company.
For some reason today I ended up doing the Chino Hills Route at work. As I was loading up a donation I noticed a letter from a dance school in San Francisco. The letter thanked the parents for the payment of $1600 to pay for their daughter’s residence at the school while she went to a summer ballet school thing. The $1600 was for her room alone. That’s what bothers me so much about rich people. These people find nothing immoral about spending probably $5000 for there spoiled little brat of a daughter to go to ballet school for the summer when their is so much starving and suffering people in the world that could be helped so much with that money. These people are probably Christians also. Do they even read what Master Yahshua teaches about wealth? And they think they lead perfectly moral lives just because they don’t have AIDS. It’s funny how the sins that these people talk about so much, were not the sins that Master Yahshua constantly preached against. His main issues were the sins of power, property and prestige. Of course the people in Chino Hills don’t wanna here those words. They don’t wanna hear about Him standing up for the prostitute. They don’t wanna hear Him say that it is easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle then for a rich man to get into heaven. They don’t want to hear that stuff. Or all that stuff about Love and compassion. Well, they don’t mind Loving other rich people. That’s one of those things I cannot change, so I’ll just accept the spiritual ignorance of the wealthy. God Bless them!
(08.27.2006)
I just bought and watched the Rent DVD and then I look at the world around me, why don’t people get it? What is so hard about Love? We were made for Love, not fear. Unfortunately our society is based on fear and so we learn fear. Fear is not natural. Love is totally natural, that’s why we were made and we are naturally Loving people but our society has raped us and taken Love out of the equation. There is no respect based on Love, no loyalty based on Love, our whole society runs on fear. We need to combine our consciousnesses and spread Love throughout the universe. Bring back Love. Bring back God. “There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done, it’s easy, all you need is Love.”
Found this, it’s cool
It is Chinese Seal Characters for “God is Love”
I just bought and watched 3 very awesome movies. I've never seen them but I have a faint recollection of hearing that they were good. I studied under a spiritual teacher once and she may have recommended them to me. Well if she ever reads this, I've seen them, thank you for recommending them. They were "Waking Life" "What tHe #$*! Dθ ωΣ (k)πow!?" and "I Y Huckabees" I recommend them to anyone seeking understanding. If you seek what I have found, those 3 movies are a great introduction.
Here is a neat story from yesterday. Yesterday morning, inspired by something I heard on "What tHe #$*! Dθ ωΣ (k)πow!?" I prayed/meditated, "I will do everything I can today to put out an energy of peace and Love into the universe, Sacred Energy Who Rules The Universe, let that Love come back to me in a way that surprises me and shows me that You paid attention." And I did. I Loved all I came in contact with and went out of my way to create peace in my world. My route ran long and I missed my ride home so I took the bus. Before the bus arrived, I went to an AM/PM to buy a lighter, since it was only $0.89, I used a one to pay for it. As I went back to the bus stop, I realized that I had spent my only $1 bill, so I had no money for the bus so I ran back to the AM/PM and asked the cashier for change for a five saying that I shouldn't have spent that one because I needed it for the bus. He gave me five ones and then reached into his wallet and gave me a day bus pass saying he did not needed it any more that day! I thanked him, left and then said another prayer, "Thank You!"
Looking at movies today with a friend, Robert, I saw "Peaceful Warrior" showing at the Ontario Mills Mall. Robert said he read the book, he borrowed it from Kwami, I knew that if Kwami liked it, I should read it, he and I are almost on the same page. Later or to day, I found myself at the Inland Center Mall at Waldon books. I bought a few books and saw "The Way Of The Peaceful Warrior" there so I bought it, I wanna read it this week and go see the movie next week. I need to focus my energy better, I am in the middle of to many books right now, and here I bought more.
WOW!! I just finished "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior." What a book!! I recommend this book to everyone. It's awesome. I can't wait to watch the movie. I am going to put some quotes from it on the "My Favorite Words" page, just click the "Peaceful Warrior" link at the top of the page.
So today I got the newspaper to find the times for "Peaceful Warrior" so I can watch it tomorrow morning, but, no, its no longer showing. I guess I'll have to check amazon.com and buy the DVD.
I just finished reading, "What tHe #$*! Dθ ωΣ (k)πow!?" (a book based on the movie) and the book talks a lot about paradigms and about how a total paradigm shift is needed in our lives. The theme of paradigms is very prevalent in the book. Today at the end of my route, my boss sent me to another stop in Fontana to pick up some car seats and strollers. The stop was at a repossession yard called "Paradigm Recovery." That one got me, I don't know if I'm reading to much into it or what but it seems that the universe was saying something to me. Was it a message, or just a sign, just a smack on the face to jostle me, to keep me aware, I guess.
I have a hard time labeling my spirituality, so I let the internet do it for me!
 | You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already.
In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Life is suffering. (2) All suffering is caused by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment, and grasping that result from such ignorance. (3) Suffering can be ended by overcoming ignorance and attachment. (4) The path to the suppression of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of right views, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right-mindedness, and right contemplation. These eight are usually divided into three categories that base the Buddhist faith: morality, wisdom, and samadhi, or concentration. In Buddhism, there is no hierarchy, nor caste system; the Buddha taught that one's spiritual worth is not based on birth.
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com |
I'm kinda surprised that I ranked as more agnostic than Christian. There is a lot more to me than the questions they asked, though.